Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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