You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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