Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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