Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
