You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
