i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize