What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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