So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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