You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
