We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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