it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
