I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
