If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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