I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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