I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
