I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
