VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
