Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
