best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
