ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
