I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
