im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
