I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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