so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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