i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
