New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize