Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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