I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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