i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
