I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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