it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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