Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
