I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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