I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
