conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Randomize
