The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
