dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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