Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
