About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
