Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
