i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
