OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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