she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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