it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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