I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
