I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
