dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
