just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
