I CAN MOONWALK!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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