a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
