Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My breasts were aching with rage.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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