mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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