Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
