I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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