My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
