lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will be naked everywhere
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
