I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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