suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
