He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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