I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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