what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
