"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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