It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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