I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
