Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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