my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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