She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
