remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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