So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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