Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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