I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
