THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
