I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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