She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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