You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
