I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
