He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
