I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
