she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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