Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
