If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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