My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
