Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
