he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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