false alarm. still invincible.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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