New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
