Sry I called you an 8
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
