Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
