I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
