He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize