we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
