Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
