I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize