if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
