Where is the hickey?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
