so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
