You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
