It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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