so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
